Therapy Lessons: Part Whatever

Join the club of therapy enthusiasts as we dive into the sea of emotions, yet again!

Hello fellow cultivator,

If you have been around for a while, you know that I mention therapy at least once a month in this space.

• It is a big part of my self-care routine.

• I mentioned it in my May edition of Internet Things on my mind. 

• It came up when I wrote about my journey with RSD.

• I consider it an integral part of my Must-Dos list.

• Lastly, there’s couples’ therapy helping me and my partner communicate and understand each other better.

So, when a question from The Good Trade’s daily newsletter caught my eye - 'What is the best lesson you've ever learned from a therapist?' - I couldn't resist turning it into a journaling prompt. After all, I've been spinning my therapy yarn for a while now. Talk about THE perfect journaling prompt for me.

Now, I am very private with my journal entries. Usually, I don’t share them in this space or anywhere at all. However, after sitting with my response to the question, I realized that it is one of the entries I want to share with you all. I mean, it's only fair to share, considering how much I've rambled about therapy, right?

The picture was taken by my partner, Daniel, from our front yard

Without further adieu, here’s the modified version of my journal entry.

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The biggest (and my favorite-est) lesson from my three-plus years of therapy with my therapist, the incredible Heather, is the notion that no emotion is good or bad. Yep, let me say it again; No emotion is inherently good or bad. However, what we choose to do with that emotion, for example, react to the people around us in an unpleasant way, makes it good or bad.

In fact, how the people around us process these emotions defines our connotation of the said emotion. For example, suppose you grew up in an environment where your caregiver yelled at you when they were angry instead of taking their space to work through their emotions. In that case, it is natural for you to consider anger as a “bad” emotion.

This new way of looking at emotions, combined with the practice of simply sitting with the emotion, has been a definite game-changer for me. Like many of us, I feel the need to fix unpleasant emotions like sadness, loneliness, or anger. Understanding that changing those feelings is unnecessary because they don’t define me was a big breakthrough. Feelings don’t need to be evicted like unwanted house guests.

But don't mistake this laissez-faire attitude as neglect. Emotions, like guests, need attention. It is essential to process these emotions. It is critical to understand where the emotion is being felt in the body. It is okay to follow what the body needs or asks for as it processes it, without the need to change it or feel good or bad or guilty about feeling a certain way.

Let the emotion move through the body - see what it craves. Observe without internalizing. Give your body some TLC, which sometimes might look like doing some jumping jacks, while other times it might mean that you need to scream into a pillow. It could also look like hugging your pets or taking a nap. Perhaps you just need to sit and stare into your dog’s eyes, or maybe I am projecting now.

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In addition to therapy, another resource that helped me understand this better is Michelle Elman’s fantastic book, The Joy of Being Selfish: Why you need boundaries and How to set them. I recommend this book whenever I can. She says, “All emotions are valid, all emotions deserve to be felt”.

Now, fellow cultivators, I'm eager to hear about your experiences. What is the best lesson you've ever learned from a therapist? Have you ever had a breakthrough moment in therapy or self-exploration? How have you managed your emotions and their complexities? Please share your stories, insights, and reflections in the comments below. I would love for us to create a space where we can learn from and support each other on our emotional well-being journey.

Thank you for joining me on this wild ride of emotions and growth. I look forward to reading your thoughts!