A few housekeeping notes
I've decided to take the rest of the month off from writing my newsletter. I started it in January, but man, it's been tough to stick to a consistent schedule. I've been trying to get ahead by writing a bunch of posts in advance, but even after six months, I still find myself scrambling to finish everything on Wednesday. So, I'm taking a break to spend time with my mom, who's coming to visit for a while, and also work on some personal essay projects. I'm excited to come back refreshed and ready to tackle my writing routine again!
As an engineer, I have a natural inclination to provide practical solutions to problems. However, this essay is purely a stream of consciousness. It's more of a venting session for me, with no concrete solutions or suggestions being offered. I'm just putting my thoughts out there and hoping for some sort of catharsis. Perhaps, when I'm finished, the dishes will have miraculously washed themselves.
Hello fellow cultivator,
I have a sincere question for you: How do you manage all your responsibilities without feeling overwhelmed? It may seem like a strong word, but I am genuinely curious. How do you balance work, maintain relationships, pursue your hobbies, stay active and connected, live true to your values while maintaining a clean living space, and not lose your goddamn mind?
Before I get into it, I want to acknowledge my privilege and share that I am incredibly grateful for all I have.
With that out of the way, I want to say that I am exhausted by the never-ending to-do lists. I constantly oscillate between feeling overwhelmed and under-stimulated, fighting my inner critic while it asks me to do more.
Let’s break down my list of things that need to be done into categories:
Generic Must Dos.
This category is probably the same for most of us, but here’s what it looks like for me:Work - I gotta pay those bills, but also, I enjoy it.
Exercise - It is essential for my brain and helps me maintain some semblance of sanity.
Therapy of various kinds - I have personal and couple’s therapy plus my regular psychiatrist check-ins. I just signed up for an ADHD workshop because I need assistance, and my psychiatrist thinks it will benefit me.
Want To Dos.
These are the things that bring me joy - I look forward to accomplishing these tasks. For me, this category includes:Creative work - Writing this newsletter, and painting because I am trying to heal my inner child, and this helps. Curious how that works? You can read about it here.
Plants - Taking care of my houseplants. Cleaning those leaves as I listen to my podcasts, daydream, or have long conversations with myself is blissful. This also includes maintaining the vegetable garden, and my personal favorite at the moment, the pollinator-friendly front yard.
Reading - Because y’all won’t stop writing these beautiful essays on this platform!
Journaling - Thanks to
‘s 30-day journaling project, I started doing it regularly 3 months ago, and I am sure I’ll be ready to write about its impact on me soon.
The next three could be part of your must-dos, but I like them here.
Spending time with my partner.
Walking and connecting with my dogs.
Connecting with my friends and family.
Doing the above three while sharing a new experience or adventure, for example, mushroom foraging or exploring National Parks.
shared a beautiful reframe in the comments. In her words, “I switched from "have to" to "get to". I actually try to smile when I "get to" do the dishes”, and I love it. So I am calling this list - Get Tos. That said, I am not the biggest fan of most things in this category, and I can’t be alone.HaveGet Tos.
Last week,Here’s my list:
Laundry.
Decluttering (aka putting things away) - Now this is different than the next thing on the list.
Cleaning the house - proper cleaning and includes dusting, vacuuming, etc. It may or may not include decluttering for me.
Deep cleaning - because your regular cleaning is not enough!!!!!!
Cooking - You got to eat. Eating could be part of the must-dos, but you need to cook to eat because spending all your money on takeout is frowned upon.
Kitchen - Cleaning the kitchen and those dishes. It is kinda related to cooking but also a separate task.
However, broken down like this, I see a trend here, and this is where the ranting begins, so let’s get into this “Get Tos” list a little more.
The f*cking Have Get Tos.
Laundry.
For one, it never ends! It took me an hour yesterday to fold four loads of laundry, and there is still some more in the hamper.
Second, I divide my laundry into multiple categories like outside clothes, inside clothes (pajamas, etc.), sheets, kitchen towecan’tegular towels, etc. And of course, I hcan’tules around these categories, like kitchen towelscan’tt be wash“d with ”egular towels, which can't be mixed with the towels used by the dogs, or I can't wash my "outside" clothes with my pajamas, on and on it goes.
Third, I am trying to use as few resources as possible, so I need enough stuff in that categcan’to run a load. Currently, I have a set of sheets and kitchen towels in the hamper. However, I can't run a load. Am I making my life difficult? Can I wash kitchen towels with bedsheets? That sounds wrong to me. Edging on blasphemous. Is it?
Four, everything needs to be folded a certain way. Now, I know not folding the laundry is an option, but cluttered drawers in the dresser are my personal hell. My brain is short-circuiting just thinking about it.
Cooking.
OH! I am done deciding what to eat for lunch and dinner. Someone take over, please.
At the beginning of the pandemic, I figured out my breakfast of oats and chia seeds, and I have had that every weekday morning for the past three years. However, figuring out what to feed myself every day and then procuring those things is exhausting!! And I am not even talking about the cooking part. Thank god, my partner likes to cook and is satisfied with my sous chef-ing; otherwise, that would be a whole thing. Although that reminds me of another household chore I am over - cleaning the kitchen and washing dishes.
Dishes.
I am sooo freaking done washing dishesdon’tcleaning the kitchen! How is it that there are dishes in the sink can’t time I go to the kitchen? HOW? I don’t want to use paper plates. Nope, not even the compostable onecan’tcan’t create that kind of waste and be okay with it. My inner critic would have a field day with that. I can’t let it win! Plus, what about the pots and pans? Those still need to be cleaned. Yes, I have tried those meal prep services, but the amount of waste is not reasonable. I mean, they pack a single clove of garlic in a plastic bag. I am not kidding.
Cleaning the house.
Another household chore that annoys the shit out of me - vacuuming and dusting. HOW is there dirt everywhere seconds after I vacuum? How does the house get messed up minutes after I put everything away? How many times a day are you putting away stuff? Or taking care of the clutter, like folding blankets or fluffing the cushions when you are done cuddling with the dogs on the don’t?
Now, if you are about to suggest minimalism to me, let me tell you that I already have that going. I don’t have many knick-knacks, but there is still clutter because two adults and two dogs live in this house, and these are all the things we need to live comfortably.
And now, if you feel the urge to recommend a don’ting service, I beat you to it already. My
knightdame in shining armor, Martha, comes every two weeks. I don’t even want to imagine what it would look like not to have her help me with ALL THE THINGS!
Are you still with me? Yeah? Okay, so tell me, how are you managing your Have Get Tos? Or how are you managing to make them more bearable? Am I making my life diffiIt’s by having these specific ways in which these tasks have to be performed? Is this a neurodivergent thing? It's unlikely to claim that you enjoy cleaning dishes and be considered neurotypical. I AM KIDDING!
Seriously though, give me yowon’tps and tricks to make these chores bearable because they are taking time away from my want-to-dos!
Good on you for taking the time off that you need. I'm totally behind in ALL my house cleaning jobs so don't have much advice to offer there - though I *have* managed to keep the kitchen bench clean for a whole WEEK so that's progress!
My husband doesn't do any cooking, except for the occasional eggs on toast 🍳 so I'm the head chef. Figuring out what to have every single day becomes SO tiring. My solution is to make extra at least once a week and freeze enough for two servings. So then I have frozen meals to fall back on whenever I'm out of ideas :)
Thanks so much for the kind mention, Asmita. And congratulations on giving yourself a break! Enjoy your time. You are certainly not alone in the not-wanting-to of life chores. Ugh. They never end. My teeny tiny place doesn't have laundry, but even when my last duplex had a communal washer and dryer (one set for 8 units), I would go to the laundromat (my neighbors were slobs). People have "feelings" about laundromats, but here's the thing: You can get multiple loads done all at once. In and out in about 90 mins. You don't have to do it on a regular basis, but I definitely recommend doing it when you've got too much on your plate and just want to get it done (scope out a good one in your 'hood first; I drive a few miles to get to mine, worth it). I like to go super early in the morning or Fridays after work (usually pretty quiet then when most people are going out). And, yes, you are supposed to separate your kitchen/cleaning laundry from your personal, so do do that. The whole point is doing it the way that you want to do it. I try to do it on Saturdays, but sometimes I let it go until Wednesdays. So what? Or I do something each day instead of everything on one day. Because, even in a teeny tiny place, housekeeping sucks! And, now, I have to get up because it's time for me to "get to" do the dishes. Looking forward to hearing how great your break was! xo