A Journey through Unplanned Delights with the Wisdom of Self-Kindness

finding beauty in life's surprises while prioritizing meaningful moments over checklists

Hello fellow cultivator,

I took three weeks off last month to build an essay bank and focus on hosting family. Here’s what I expected my break to look like:

• Journal first thing in the morning.

• Write 1000 words a day (inspired by Jami Attenberg).

• Work my regular 9-5.

• Spend quality time with my mom and sister.

• Get some decent amount of gardening done.

• Work through my list of houseplant chores.

• Lots of painting.

• Attend my weekly ADHD group workshop and work on the homework and exercises.

I understand that my lengthy wishlist may not seem like a form of relaxation. However, I am discovering what rest means for my mind, and engaging in creative activities such as writing, painting, and tending to plants plays a significant role in that process. It is a topic for another day, though.

This was going to be me!

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Instead, here’s what actually happened:

• My regular 9-5 - although I took some time off to spend quality time with Mom.

• Almost no writing. Even dropped my daily journaling practice after a week.

• My houseplants got no attention. They were looking pretty sad. Like, they were practically begging for some water. (They are okay now. I finally got around to it. Phew!)

• I picked up my paintbrushes just once.

I can keep going, but you get the idea. The reality of this break was very, very different from what I had anticipated. A similar situation occurred over Memorial Day weekend. I had planned to spend those four days engaging in various creative activities such as writing, painting, and gardening. However, the break looked very different, in a good way,  but I was disappointed to see that almost none of the tasks on my list were accomplished.

Not this time, though. I am choosing not to make the mistake of bringing myself down and belittling my accomplishments from these past three weeks. 

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This time, I am deciding to use this experience as an exercise in self-compassion.

So, let’s look at what really happened during this break:

• I spent quality time with my family and shared some of my favorite things.

  My relationship with my mother is complex, as it is for many people. Additionally, I am a somewhat nervous person in general, but I felt particularly anxious about hosting her. However, despite my anxiety, her two whole weeks (the most extended amount of time we have been together without my sister since 2016) went pretty smoothly! How do I know? My mom, sister, and I have continued to communicate with each other like normal! If that’s not a sign, then I don’t know what is.

  

  Mom is walking towards the ocean.

  We went to my favorite brunch spot in the city.

  

  Food and hand sanitizer. Tell me this is 2023 without telling me it is 2023.

  And my favorite fancy restaurant in the Bay

  

  All the mushrooms!

• We gardened together. Although truth be told, she sipped on this delicious blueberry-basil-gin smash I prepared for her and shared all sorts of gossip while I gardened.
  I enjoy indulging in gossip with Mom. She has an endless supply of exciting stories that can keep me entertained for hours. (Entertaining to me because I am so far removed from all the people that it feels like watching reality TV, which says something about me, but then again, I digress.) I am known to call her occasionally and say, “Mom, what’s the latest?”. The trick is catching her while the details remain fresh in her mind because she tends to forget things easily, like me. Oh, it was all fresh and constant!

  

  Mom is holding the delightful blueberry-basil-gin smash with the dogs in the background. The picture was taken by Mom.

• We spent a wonderful evening at my partner’s parents' place!
  I didn’t get a chance to take pictures that day, but here’s a picture of Diana posing with Daniel’s parents’ dog, Jake. These two are incredibly fond of each other. It is so freaking precious!

  

  Diana is posing with her boyfriend, Jake.

• The doggos got all the love they could ask for and then some.

  My mom is scared of dogs, so to watch her cuddle, play fetch, and even watch them while my partner and I went on a date one night was spectacular. The dogs loved it! I saw Angel shoot for Mom’s room first thing in the morning; it was adorable, to say the least. Angel had someone petting her at all times, and that was her heaven.

  

  Mom is taking a nap with the dogs in the kitchen. Her face is blurred because of privacy :)

  Diana is not the biggest fan of affection, but she has her ways of showing and sharing love. I think the picture below says it all.

  

  A picture of my sister using Diana as a pillow while Angel uses my sister as a pillow. My sister’s face is blurred because of privacy :)

• OH! I also found time to finish this painting finally.

  

In a world that often measures success in checkmarks, I've come to understand that the true measure lies in the warmth of a shared smile or story, the depth of a conversation, and the beauty of presence. As I navigate future breaks, I hope to carry with me the wisdom that self-compassion is the compass guiding me to moments that truly matter.

So, while my essay bank may remain a work in progress, the memories created during these weeks are complete in their own right. Looking at these pictures, my heart is full of gratitude. I got to spend this precious time with my loved ones and be present in these moments that I will cherish for a long, LONG time. After all, I can always take another break to work on that bank ;) (or maybe not!)

Now, fellow cultivator, I wonder what might your own version of this break look like. How can you practice self-compassion in your moments of pause and reflection? How do you find beauty or practice self-compassion during unexpected moments that deviate from your plans? I would love to hear about it in the comments below.