Reflecting On My Relationship with My Body
A Journal Entry on Body Acceptance and Gratitude
I have been trying to figure out how to write about my relationship with my body for a while now. I have various random notes and even a Google doc listing my age and what kind of diet I was on. Writing about my relationship with my body entails writing about the various ways I have tried to control it.
Throughout my life, this relationship with my own body has been fraught for multiple reasons:
I was raised in the 90s when the “ideal” woman was the one with no curves. NONE (and now we want precise curves, but I guess that is a topic for another day).
Each new diet and its rules became a hyperfixation for my neurodivergent brain.
I was raised in a patriarchal society by a woman who was trying to control her body through various diets.
Even today, we haven’t abolished patriarchy yet. It is a work-in progress. I haven’t given up yet.
I am a woman. (I feel like this one covers it all.)
So, while I figure out the “right” words to express this complicated relationship, I want to share one of my recent journal entries with the prompt from The Better Every Day Journal (this blog is not sponsored or affiliated with this journal).
How do you feel about your body?
What an extremely loaded question. It is upsetting to think and admit how much I let others’ opinions of my body impact how I feel about my body.
My body and I have been through a lot together. A LOT. There was the physical abuse by my own guardians and then the self-harm in attempts to stop their abuse or gain some form of control over my own body in a twisted way.
Then, there were my attempts to control what, when, and how much I ate. Again, it was just to control my body. To control my body, like it wasn’t a part of me—a critical and essential part of my being—but something external, something to be tamed, like my feelings and emotions. Feeding either of those things, my body and emotions, was not encouraged.
Today, I find it challenging to say I regret doing those things to my body without feeling like I am shaming the younger version of me who didn’t know any better. After all, I was only following what was modeled to me.
Instead, I choose to focus on loving my body for how it shows up for me every single day. I choose to focus on showing gratitude for sticking with me this entire time despite what I put it through and the disrespect I showed my body. I choose to fuel my body, move it in ways that feel good, push it in healthy ways, and always and forever accept it, however it shows up for me through thick and thin (no pun intended ;)).
Now, dear fellow cultivator, how do you feel about your body? Is your relationship as complicated as mine? I would love to hear about it in the comments below. I would like to believe that sharing our stories can help us feel less alone and more connected.
Remember, our bodies are with us through every challenge and triumph. Let's honor them with the love and respect they deserve. Today, I challenge you to take a moment to appreciate something about your body. Write it down, share it here or with a friend, or hold it in your heart.
Thank you for reading and for being part of this journey toward body acceptance and gratitude. I hope that together, we can support each other in finding peace and joy in our own skin.
I love this, Asmita. And I'm so sorry there was so much harm happening to you as you were growing up. And I realize I am far behind here (I was on vacation) but you might laugh if you hear tomorrow's podlet. I, too, am curvy. More bottom than top, so buying bikinis back in my day proved challenging. I think we all have frustrations with our bodies on one level or another, and different times than others. But I've learned to appreciate it. As I was walking back to the office from Starbucks, giving myself the treat of a decaf coconut milk iced latte, I thought about how good it feels to walk, how well my body moves, how easily, then I wondered when that will change? I'm 55 now. I still do yoga and weights and rowing and my urban hikes. When will that start to change? And does it have to? (Of course it does, but...) This is our vessel. Our vehicle. If we feed it well and move it kindly, and treat it with honor, we will reap those benefits. A wise friend told me, "It's not IF you become disabled, but *when*." And that disability can be brief (broken bone, recovering from surgery) or not. We have to appreciate what we have and use it in the best way possible. Adding a little love, or at least respect, to that goes a long way. xo
Asmita, this work you've put here for us is so vital, so important. Thank you, friend, for being vulnerable and wonderful and so very you, through and through.
And goodness, my body and I have been through some things! I never fit the right shape as a girl, and I certainly don't as a man now either. It's so hard to untangle that bodily connection when I have been deprived of any bodily connection for my entire life. There are moments now though, sweet, tender moments of hugs and full belly laughs and hammock naps in the shade when my body and I sway together quietly, happy, simple. I long for those moments.