Strategies to Unmask and Celebrate Your Unique Being

a journey of courage, vulnerability, and finding your voice

Hello fellow cultivator,

I want to discuss unmasking with you - finally. However, before we do that, I want to remind you what masking means quickly.

Earlier this year, I wrote about masking and its impact on us and the people around us. Masking is commonly defined as hiding your mental health issues or suppressing symptoms or difficulties you might be experiencing. While it is not always bad, it can keep us from sharing our true, authentic selves with the people around us. You can read about Masking, how or why we do it, and its impact in detail here. I encourage you to notice your Masking - how you try to hide your authentic feelings and thoughts from those around you. 

With that context established, I want to share some steps that you and I can take to embrace our unique identities. 

Photo by Hala Al-Asadi on Unsplash

P.S. Our conscious or unconscious effort to hide our true selves comes from a lack of safety. We don’t feel we will be accepted or valued for our unique, quirky selves. If that is the source of your masking, then don’t worry about the strategies right now! Think about what you can do to make your environment safe for you. It may or may not include professional help. Either way, I urge you to do what is necessary to ensure your safety. If it means to continue masking, then so be it!

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Strategies for Unmasking:

1. Embracing Your True Self

   Sharing your authentic self with people around you begins with getting familiar with who you are and then being comfortable with that. I understand that self-discovery and accepting yourself with all your challenges is easier said than done, and trust me when I say this: “I KNOW!” However, self-discovery is crucial to unmasking.

   No one is expecting you to be perfect! You are a wonderful human being who deserves all the love and support. 

   You should know that you have much to offer to people around you, even with all your challenges and imperfections. I have to remind myself of this every day. Every time I write something for this newsletter, I have to remind myself that my writing is worth sharing. I am worthy of the time and attention, as well as the love and support I receive from all of you.

   In their book, “A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD,” Sari Solden, and Michelle Frank have this beautiful “Declaration of Independence for Women with ADHD”. I highly recommend putting this somewhere you can see it every day.

   • The right to have connections, even though you have challenges.

   • The right to pursue your talents, even though you have challenges.

   • The right to speak, reveal your ideas, and be known, even though you have differences.

   • The right to claim and pursue hopes and dreams, even though you have challenges.

   • The right to take time and make space for yourself, even though you have challenges.

   • The right to live shame-free and be treated with respect, even though you have imperfections.

   • The right to ask for help, even though you have strengths.

   I MEAN!!!

   To be honest, I believe that this declaration is a powerful manifesto for all women. It is crucial for us to navigate through this patriarchal society that has conditioned us to shrink ourselves, both mentally and physically. Nonetheless, I will save this topic for another newsletter.

2. Spotting Masking in Your Life

   With this renewed sense of self-identity, observe when, why, where, and how you hide your authentic self. 

   Is it with a certain group of friends? If so, what about that group of friends makes you unsure of yourself? The key is to surround yourself with understanding and supportive individuals because it can significantly contribute to your self-discovery journey. 

   Is it in a certain setting? If loud places make you uncomfortable, you are allowed to leave!

3. Sharing the Struggle

   Last Friday, after a really, really LONG week, I was feeling cranky and extra moody. I realized that I was being impatient. After taking some time to just be (aka doom scroll on social media instead of doing something mindful to self-regulate), I decided to share my mental state with my partner. I shared that I was staying away from him because I was not in the space to access the necessary tools to regulate. Essentially, I didn’t trust myself to be kind or not say or do anything that would lead to some uncomfortable OR contentious moments. My partner acknowledged my feelings and invited me to spend time with him despite the fact. With my mental state in mind, he extended compassion, and we spent the evening watching a movie. It ended up being a very chill evening where I could let my brain just be.

   I share this to encourage you to share your everyday challenges and imperfections with your loved ones. If you surround yourself with people who value you for who you are, you will be able to unmask more often than not. 

4. Reaching Out

   Sometimes, unmasking means going beyond just voicing and sharing your challenges. Sometimes, unmasking means seeking support and asking for assistance from your loved ones. 

   For example, decision-making is one of my biggest challenges. I am fully aware of it. As you can imagine, some days are more challenging than others, and that’s when I ask people for help. In fact, I look at “ask for help” as one of the tools in my manage-ADHD-toolbox! My sister receives texts like “What should I eat?” quite frequently. Seriously, it can be that simple.

   It can look like this:

   • Asking your friend to leave an engagement sooner than planned.

   • Asking your partner if he can decide the type of wood that would be good for the vegetable planter.

   • Asking your friend to check in on you on a regular basis when you are in a funk.

   • Showing up to a therapy session and saying that you are not in the space for deep emotional work today! Speaking of therapy, let’s explore that as a strategy for unmasking.

5. Professional help or treatment

   I love therapy. You didn’t think I would write about unmasking and not mention therapy? A therapist can help you discover and embrace your authentic self. I have said this before and will say it again: self-discovery is crucial to unmasking!

   In addition to therapy, medication can help you manage your ADHD symptoms. I would recommend working with a psychiatrist on that. I am not saying that medication is a cure-all and YOU HAVE TO go down that route, but I’m simply sharing that as an option.

   I have found ADHD workshops or support groups are helpful in feeling seen and validated.

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In conclusion, unmasking is a journey, an exploration into the depths of your authentic self. It's a courageous step towards living life without the constraints of societal expectations and self-imposed limitations. Embracing your true self is not about being flawless but about being genuine.

In the process of unmasking, remember this: You are worthy of love, understanding, and acceptance, just as you are. Every imperfection, every unique quirk, contributes to the beautiful mosaic of you. Embrace your challenges, claim your dreams, and celebrate your individuality.

Share Your Story and Inspire Our Growing Community

I would love to learn about your unmasking journey. Believe it or not, it inspires others who are seeking the courage to be themselves. Sharing your experiences, challenges, and triumphs can spark some hope for someone else!

Take a moment to reflect on your recent unmasking experience. When was the last time you shared your true, authentic self with someone, and it felt incredible? Please share it in the comments below so we can celebrate some genuine moments!