Cultivating Imperfection-ism
No such thing as perfect.
Here’s the thing, No one is perfect. We always say it; we accept it as a fact of life. We learn to adore (okay, maybe tolerate at first, then ignore, and then love/cherish?) the imperfections in our loved ones, be it our siblings, parents, best friends, partners, or even dogs. But why is this tolerance or adoration not applicable to us? Okay, I should speak for myself; maybe you all have a better relationship with your brain, and it is kind to you. However, I doubt it. ADHD or not, our brains are cruel at times. Very very cruel.
Consider this blog as an example. Last night I almost went down a rabbit hole of figuring out how to make it perfect. I tried reading articles like: “share your content calendar,” “grow subscriber count,” and “plan what/when you publish.” I even thought of finding an editor online to ensure what I write is decent enough. WHY? This “blog” (calling it a blog feels official and like I think I am a writer, which I am not) is not supposed to be a source of income, nor am I doing it to gain fame or influence. This is probably a public version of a journal, I think. Mostly a space where I share what I am using my brain cells for at the moment and what being kind to my brain’s constant buzzing looks like for me in a post-ADHD diagnosis world. So why? Why try to make this “blog” perfect?
I feel my heart beating at an insane pace as I am writing this. My armpits are sweaty!! OOOF! I recently learned that anxiety and excitement feel the same in the body, so I will assume that this is excitement. Excitement for the freedom that comes with not trying to be immaculate ALL THE GODDAMN TIME; excitement for the mistakes I am about to make and let them be a lesson learned instead of a moment to beat myself up; excitement for all things I am about to try for the first time.
You know what? I am going to sign up for a pottery class again. I tried it once 4-5 years ago, and I sucked. I SUCKED. I was the worst one in the class, and I was embarrassed. The story in my head was like, “I learned to paint and dance for years; being creative is my thing. I should be good at this. I should be able to center this clay RIGHT AWAY!” That is obviously not how it went down. I was mad at myself. I kid you not; I was frustrated with myself for not getting it right the first freaking time like I am a pottery protege, and pottery runs in my family. It is ridiculous. I didn’t even let myself figure out how it felt to try it for the first time and whether or not it was something I would like to learn or try again. All I remember from that class is the frustration and the failure that eventually led to me saying, “I suck.” Not “I suck at pottery,” but “I SUCK.” I am signing up for a class again, and I will try it again this time, knowing that I will suck at it. So, let’s see what else comes to my brain, and I’ll let you know how that goes!
I was going to make a list of things I quit (or almost quit) because I didn’t think I was doing them perfectly, but that feels a little too personal for some reason. Instead, here’s the list of things I am doing imperfectly this month:
Art
This is a big one for me. I took painting classes on and off for almost 18 years. I used to work on these elaborate landscapes painted on handmade sheets that took around six months to complete. Over the last 10 years as an adult, I have tried to pick it up every now and then, but my judgy-mc-judgerson brain hates what I do because it is not perfect or good enough. Long story short(-ish), I love drawing/sketching/painting/doodling, so now, this is what we (yes, the royal we) create daily.
Following YouTube tutorials by ShaydaCampbell and Amanda Lee:
The left side is something..but it is OKAY! It is OKAY! The octopus looks happy to me. Garden
Spinach hates me. You know what, though? I won’t give up that easily!!
Lettuce, I love you, too.
Growing mushrooms
Some are getting harvested too soon, while others are turning pale. We (not the royal we this time. My partner and I) got this!
Internet things on my mind
Blame this week’s post on this article by Oliver Burkeman; What if you never sort your life out?
Speaking of Oliver Burkeman, I highly recommend his book Four Thousand Weeks. Time Management For Mortals. Trust me; it is not what it sounds like. Oh, and the newsletter: The Imperfectionist.
Did you know there is a subreddit called Why Women Live Longer? I discovered it last week, thanks to a coworker. It is pretty amazing. So that you know what to expect: You can’t run over yourself. You are welcome.
Your bi-weekly dose of pittie cuteness
Diana turned five this month. I made her and Angel a three-tiered peanut butter cake with cream cheese frosting and bananas. My partner made those birthday hats (that they hated) and some pork tenderloin (which is why they like him more than me).
With that, have a great weekend, and I’ll “see” you all in two weeks. Oh, and don’t forget to hug your furry buddies for me. Kthxbie.
I feel you...been going through that with planting, writing, reading, dancing and drawing lately. Since suffering from burnout a couple of months ago, I’m trying to go back to doing hobbies in my daily life (barely did any of these things for fun and joy in the last 2 years). It’s hard to get started with that perfectionism in mind, thinking I’m making gibberish and rubbish. Thanks for sharing, makes me feel less alone on this. Also, loved your mushrooms! Tried growing some with a kit a month ago but they never grew :( a green sort of lychen grew instead.